Oh to the Pirates
by JHadar
Pirates, Pirates hitting light
In the ballgames every night
Our pitching's awful, fielding fair
We have Sixteen years of pure despair
Though we're sailing in the dark
We have a lovely baseball park,
A team that's better than the Reds,
And Fireworks and Bobbleheads.
Though our Bucs are getting beat
There's all the food that we can eat
While we watch this team of scrubs
Lose to Aram and the Cubs.
Littlefield has gone before us
Leaving us with Mr. Morris,
Jose Bautista, Joggin' Ronny
Not to mention Gorzelany,
Burnitz and Randa on the wane,
Randall Simon sausage bane,
Van Benschoten, Vogelsong
They hit ‘em hard, and hit ‘em long.
Yes, we remember all too well
Operation Derek Bell
Shutting down amidst the jeers
And we remember Patrick Meares
Yet the glory days of long ago
Haven't lost their golden glow
Remember how we used to like
To watch the B's and Van Slyke
Up ‘til Chico's awful blunder
That ripped our hopeful hearts asunder.
That was worse than Bobby Moose
Winding up and letting loose.
So we've passed these empty seasons,
With emotions seeking reasons
Wishing, wishing, unfulfilled
Watching David build and build.
So, tell us Mr. Huntington
When you get your shunting done
Will we have an arm to flex
Or just be missing Mr. X?
Will these prospects make the grade,
Make us celebrate your trade
Or will they stick in triple A
While we mourn for Jason Bay?
Now us old codgers recall plenty --
Mazeroski and Clemente,
The Lumber Company, weenies green
Even Alvin O. McBean
Skinner, Virdon, Jerry Lynch
(He could smack ‘em in a pinch)
Stargell, Zisk and Manny Mota
(Please forget Humberto Cota)
Those days of yore we cheered on high
And never had to blast the sky
It's enough to take up boozin'
All this endless hopeless losin'.
Sixteen seasons in the Sewers
Getting clobbered by the Brewers
(And when the season's finally done
Will Wilson be in Washington?)
Or will Messers Long and Russell
Teach our kiddies how to hustle
Please Mr. Frank and Mr. Neal
Give us hope that we can feel
Yes, now McClatchy's reign is over
And Littlefield is out to clover.
Is it safe to start to dream
For our favorite baseball team?
